NOTE _ HOPE THIS IS NOT TOO CONFUSING. This (3-18-11) post is a rebuttal to an earlier post written by the Old Goat. He is being rebutted by his sister, The Nan(ny) Goat. Even in the finest families, siblings do not always agree. The post being rebutted is listed here first. If you have already read it then go right to the Nan(ny) goat response below.
A 2011 woman may claim to want only a nice guy with a sense of humor, but Goat Center research reveals that male-female attraction is based not in the rational world but in the world of chemistry, metallurgy, and mineralogy. This visceral attraction lives in a molecular – dare we say it – atomic world.
Back to our woman; probably a young woman (But remember in today’s green world where 70 is the new 50 and 30 is the new puberty, “young” has ever so much room to wiggle.); what does she indeed want in a man if not that comic nice fellow.
Starting at the top, she wants thick hair. PLATINUM is good as is SILVER like that found on a playful fox. EBONY offers many shades and colors so is a fine choice for a seeker of variety. Moving on, eyes of AMBER, COBALT, or LIMESTONE are but a few of those that could please. A strong jaw of GRANITE completes a very strong face.
Now to the torso, many compounds come upon the scene. ALABASTER, that finest of GYPSUM works well for the miss who favors the light. And of course there is COPPER, BRONZE, and the EBONY mentioned earlier to provide so many comely hues. As we consider the arms and chest, could our lady put MARBLE out of her mind if she tried?
Further south, we encounter the ubiquitous abs and buns of STEEL. A good quality of STEEL is preferred. Perhaps from England. Certainly no iron as we want to avoid rust, and also because it seems that the word “iron” stirs up negative thoughts in many woman.
Our hypothetical young woman has created for the mind’s eye a rather pleasant imaginary partner. We must, however, remember that such a man is but a physical platform. Compounds, elements, and aggregates are merely matter. They are neither ethical nor spiritual in nature so lack the ability to in fact be the man our lady wants.
Goat Center researchers also state that all chemistry is not created equal. This short essay will not attempt to be comprehensive in this area, but will offer one example. The valuable element Pb or LEAD is key to the production of beautiful glass and also the utility of the pencil. Too much lead though can be problematic. Concentrated too much in the lower back regions of the male body, it can make escape from the sofa difficult, and cause an alarming reduction in personal industry.
Several female Goat Center personnel also mentioned the efficacy of TUNGSTEN, and likewise said that they had no objection to the Dome of CHROME. Other playful writers said they had a fondness for Buns of Cinnamon.
All, male and female, agreed that the most important element has yet to mentioned. They caution our fictional female to make sure that the man of her dreams has at least a modicum of GOLD in his pocket or his bank. But as important if not more, strive to connect with a man with an authentic heart of GOLD.
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Hey, Old Goat. Who do you think you are? You advising women about what they want in a man? Alabaster, copper, bronze, tungsten? Well, maybe some young, naïve and stupid young girls want some of that material man. But a chrome dome with a gray fringe? I think not. You mentioned Gold. Gold is good, but not a modicum in pocket or bank! You think that sweet young thing would be marrying the Hefner for his modicum?
Now, I’m talking now about older women and what they need and want. Women much older than the cougar types. I’m talking about women of a certain age…old women, old and alone women. I qualify because I’ve passed the junior senior mark. I am a true senior senior. And I’ll tell you what I want in a man…besides the gold. Age doesn’t matter. He can be twenty or ninety. The first quality I want is handy…a handyman. If I can’t reach something in a high cupboard, I don’t want to use a grabber or the hook in my cane. I want a long strong arm with a hand. I want a fellow with limited arthritis to climb a ladder and wash the windows. I want an early riser who will start the coffeemaker. My last husband used to do that. Nothing like waking up to the aroma of a freshly brewed French Roast. I need somebody to change the bulbs in the ceiling light fixtures, re-battery the smoke alarm, snake out a stopped-up drain, carry out those heavy recyclables and bags of trash. Also, I need a fast-paced snow remover and muscled lawn mower.
My all-around handyman must have his own apartment or home. Can’t have a man to trip over when I don’t need his handiness. A decent looking mode of transportation, preferably a non-dented and shiny automobile to pick me up and be my escort for dinner, squire me to church or bingo, and take me to my multiple doctors’ appointments. These are just a few of my handyman requirements. If any of you girls out there have additional qualifications for the handyman of my dreams, please feel free to add them as comments below.
goatcenter 