Author Archives: goatcenter

Old Goat Golden Nuggets of Consumer Advice

Goat Consumer Advice

Pre Christmas, in an effort to amass some coinage for gifts, I searched the homestead a little and rounded up a bit of scrap gold to see about selling it. I was pretty pleased with the results in this area I know nothing about. I found a little ring that had been worn on stage (thought was costume, not real) and a “tiny” necklace chain from Aunt Whosey or ??? – thought it was fake too. But NO – instant 90 bucks – presents for 2 or 3 on the short list.

So – MORE treasure hunting. Look in a shoe box. Look in a jewelry box. Look in AC vents (found a diamond ring in one once). Be creative. Look at K-Mart Jewelry counter – OOPS – anything that suggests possible Jail Time is TOO creative. Did an EX leave anything behind? I had one ex that left pets and a child behind as she raced for the Bronco – but NO jewelry.

If you are a KID (not a Goat) then you may have less “stuff” to search through. If so, consider a joint venture with Mom or Grand Mom. Tell them you will look through their crap (treasures) research and sell. Then you all can split the bounty. This is kind of fun work – well ahead of shoveling snow or mowing grass.

A last example that is instructive. In a shoe box I found an object d’art. Looked Goldish. So off to a dealer. Young woman I have sold to before eyeballs it, then calls in another helper who gives it the cockatiel eye. Now they begin to compute and bring our stones and fluids – What Fun! Kind of like Merlin meets The Science Guy.

After a bit they arrive at a number (actually 3 numbers). I use self control to prevent squealing with glee. Remember this was two hours ago “junk” in a shoebox in my closet that formerly belonged to (I have no idea).

But, in a fine show of customer service I thought, the 2 ladies tell me that their number is just for the gold, and that the piece may have art or antique value that they know little about. They suggest “checking it out.” I think this is good advice.

To follow this advice, over the next few weeks I go to six different business to see about selling my prize from closet lottery. None of these businesses are run by a guy named Larry who practices his trade hanging out under a big oak tree near a bus stop in Apopka while wearing a black trench coat.

No these were all businesses I had bought or sold from in the past. All been in the area for years. So what were the results? What were these offers? Short story is that the offers ranged from Zero dollars to 450 dollars. What you say?

Were these capitalists lying in the weeds waiting to cheat the Old Goat. I don’t think so. Likewise the moral of this tale is not “Watch out for people who want to cheat you.” though that is always a good idea as is staying away from Larry under the big tree.

Rather I believe that the lesson is to understand that different people and different businesses use different business models. They have their “ways” that have evolved over time. A person who offered me nothing for my little treasure was not telling me it was worthless, he was merely saying it was not something he wanted to buy on that particular day.

Therefore, if you want to sell, it is almost always good advice to take your time. If you “have” to sell something it will likely not work in your favor. Take time to consider whose business model will work best in harmony with your desires. There are many options.

And money is not the only income available. There is psychic income too. Maybe you would feel better “giving” an item to a friend you know admires it. Or maybe selling it at a reduced price to a friend who might have a hard time paying the full worth. Trading is another option. A craftsman might build something you need in barter for your item. So take your time. Everyone is not out to eat your lunch, but neither do all business people know what would be best for you.


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Thanksgiving – the Truth – Well … Some of it


There is no other Holiday like Thanksgiving.

School children all across the nation recreate the events that we associate with the First Thanksgiving. Of course, any historian call tell you we have it mostly wrong.

The Pilgrims were fundamentalist Puritans. So they thought that they could likely please God best by fasting – Not by having a big party. Can you see how that would work today?

“Hey Billy, how about you and Edna come over Thursday and Watch the Lions game with us? We have some chilled water we can share.”


Even that example misleads. Another misconception about Puritans is they never smiled, sneered at sex, and read the Bible twenty hours a day. And of course they never drank alcohol … WRONG _ WRONG _WRONG Squash breath.

And this all relates to more misconception re the new world. Some of us think that nature was pristine and perfect when the Mayflower parked – NOT SO – Blunderbus toe! Water might have been better than that from a river by a New Jersey Chemical Factory, but nonetheless Bambi and her pals were peeing (and worse) in the streams.

So, how was one to avoid getting sick from drinking the water. Well, you made and drank BEER – Lots of Beer. Not to get drunk but to get a drink. A few may have got drunk but not too many because they worked so hard that they probably could not stay awake long enough to get buzzed too much.

What we celebrate as Thanksgiving today got its start in the U.S. in the 19th Century. It was important in many ways and still is. But I am not going to write a big old article. If you want to know more; thanks to the Net you can find out about that out quick and easy.

I like the way our Thanksgiving has evolved. Hope you and yours have a good one.


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Come Josephine to my Bathing Machine

The Goat comes to you today with information that you may not have as well as images of the like case. This info is about the sea and the shore which seems appropriate to the goat as he has been paying much more attention to the TV than normal watching the adventures of Hurricane Irene.

The topic is the Bathing Machine. When I first heard of it, I envisioned a top-loader of generous size that I could ease into, select “extra gentle”, push a button and then pull the hatch over my head a la a WW II Nazi U-boat commander. I was wrong. Wrong in all ways possible it seems.

Rather the bathing machine was a device, popular in the 18th and 19th centuries, to allow people to change out of their usual clothes, possibly change into swimwear and then wade in the ocean at beaches. Bathing machines were roofed and walled wooden carts rolled into the sea. Some had solid wooden walls; others had canvas walls over a wooden frame.

The bathing machine was part of sea-bathing etiquette more rigorously enforced upon women than men but to be observed by both sexes among those who wished to be “proper”.[2]

Especially in Britain, men and women were usually segregated, so nobody of the opposite sex might catch sight of them in their bathing suits, which (although modest by modern standards) were not considered proper clothing in which to be seen.

The bathing machines in use at Margate, Kent, were described in 1805 as “four-wheeled carriages, covered with canvas, and having at one end of them an umbrella of the same materials which is let down to the surface of the water, so that the bather descending from the machine by a few steps is concealed from the public view, whereby the most refined female is enabled to enjoy the advantages of the sea with the strictest delicacy.”[3] People entered the small room of the machine while it was on the beach, wearing their street clothing. In the machine they changed into their bathing suit, although men were allowed to bathe nude until the 1860s,[4] placing their street clothes into a raised compartment where they would remain dry.[5]

The most common machines had large wide wheels and were propelled in and out of the surf by a horse or a pair of horses with a driver. Less common were machines pushed in and out of the water by human power. Some resorts had wooden rails into the water for the wheels to roll on; a few had bathing machines pulled in and out by cables propelled by a steam engine. Once in the water, the occupants disembarked from the sea side down steps into the water. Many machines had doors front and back; those with only one door would be backed into the sea or need to be turned around. It was considered essential that the machine blocked any view of the bather from the shore. Some machines were equipped with a canvas tent lowered from the seaside door, sometimes capable of being lowered to the water, giving the bather greater privacy. Some resorts employed a “dipper”, a strong person of the same sex who would assist the bather in and out of the sea. Some dippers were said to push bathers into the water, then yank them out, considered part of the experience.[7]

Bathing machines were most common in the United Kingdom and parts of the British Empire with a British population, but were also used in France, Germany, the United States, Mexico, and other nations. Legal segregation of bathing areas in Britain ended in 1901, and the bathing machine declined rapidly. By the start of the 1920s bathing machines were almost extinct, even on beaches catering to an older clientele.[9]

The bathing machines remained in active use on English beaches until the 1890s, when they began to be parked on the beach. They were then used as stationary changing rooms for a number of years. Most of them had disappeared in the United Kingdom by 1914.[10] However, they have survived to this day as bathing boxes in many parts around the world.

Note – picture above article shows bathing machines and a “Herring Fleet.”

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Nan(ny) Goat is “Back in Black”

Most of you know the Nan Goat is my sis. She lives in Milwaukee. She is 79 but an energetic goatess.

She had some health issues but checked into the General Motors 100,000 miles clinic recently and got a tune-up. She got a new knee, hip, two eyebrows and a lid.

Also got Oil of Olay change and all fem hormones were topped off. She is now BACK and will no doubt be pressing her thoughts upon YOU in literary form soon.

See her in this recent video and I think you will agree that about all we can say about the medicine at the GM Clinic is “THIS SH*T WORKS!”

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Special Must Read Goat Center Event – Coke and Steampunk Join Forces

Hello Friends of the Goat Center

Tonight we have a Math Lesson and Spam Special presentation

I was a bit of a math teacher – taught some of you to count in binary – how has that helped you through the years?

The lesson tonight kind of relates to this. It is about “Geometric Progression.”

A classic tale tells about a man playing chess with a younger man. Older man asks younger if they had a bet on the outcome and younger won which prize would he choose of these 2.

one million dollars

the total of pennies accumulated this way;

1 penny on checkerboard square one then two on square 2 then 4 on square 3. So by the third square the young man would have 1 + 2 + 4 cents. Total would be 7 cents. You can use your pencil and tablet of calculator or computer to figure this out if you wish. Some will be surprised – others not at all.

end of math lesson – some think that could not come too soon


Now Spam section – this is pretty mild spam cause I am not going ask you to buy anything. It is a bit of spam in that I will ask you to do something that will benefit me. But back to the plus I will show you how to do the same that will benefit you.

Briefly – remember back in the day getting an email from someone who said that if you forwarded the email to enough people that Bill Gates would send you a laptop. I am pretty sure this was not true.

Tonight I show you something of that nature, but the reward is much smaller (14 dollars).

You will be surprised to know that I have entered into an agreement with COKE to make a commercial for them. The next part is: If I can get 1000 people to view the commercial then  Coke will send me 14 dollars. And I can tell you from personal experience that 14 dollars will get you a pretty, pretty good pizza at MT DORA PIZZA.

If this is a scam I will be embarrassed.

If it is legit and I make 14 dollars, I will show you how to do it. Actually it is so easy that if you watch my video, you will likely know how to do it, but if you need help you can contact me as I am a retired old goat with time to do silly things like this.


So back to math lesson. Watch the video. Ask two friends to watch – ask them to ask 2 – who ask 2 etc. Asking more than TWO would be GREAT – but 2 will work fine. I often get emails that say “If you love your mother, you will send this to EVERYONE in your address book,” ARE THEY CRAZY? I know some people who I forward nothing to. All forwards activate return hate mail.

So only send this to happy, fun, nice friends who like silly stuff sometimes. We all know a couple fun people thank goodness. Don’t send to that one that gets up with a big frown already frozen in place on their face and then seeks out the dog and cat to kick them. (WHY IS THAT PERSON YOUR FRIEND ANYWAY?)

so remember  2 x 2 x 2 x 2

here is the link to Coke ad to view  (think I forgot to tell you that other companies than Coke are doing this)

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Divorce Court at the Goat Center Where the Wheels of Justice Grind the Grounds Fine

I think today (July 3, 2011) that we could all benefit from a lighter look at court

proceedings, so lets peek in for a moment at Goat Center Civil Court.


Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce? the solicitor questioned his client. Tell me
about it. Do you have a grudge?
Oh, no, replied Mrs. O’Connor. Sure now, we only have a carport.

The solicitor tried again. Well, does the man beat you up?

No, no,” said Mrs. O’Connor, looking puzzled. I’m always first out of bed.

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. Well, does he go in for unnatural connubial

Sure now, he plays the flute, but I don’t think he knows anything about the connubial.

Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. What I’m trying to find out are what grounds you

“Bless you, sir. We live in a flat — not even a window box, let alone grounds.

Mrs. O’Connor, the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, you need a reason that the
court can consider. What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?

Ah, well now, said the lady, Sure it’s because the man can’t hold an intelligent conversation.

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Goat Center Considers the MAN CAVE Concept

My nephew has just bought a retirement home in Amelia Island. Going against trend, his retirement home will be bigger than his “work” home. So he now feels he has room for a Man Cave. He will not be moving for a while so is considering all that this might suggest. We at the GC are helping a bit by doing some net research on matters associated with a man cave. We found some material. GC does not endorse this info but presents it for educational purposes alone.

Some Suggested Man Cave Laws

There are only 2 tools a man needs – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If something’s supposed to be moving and isn’t use the WD-40. If something isn’t supposed to be moving and is use the Duct Tape.

Complaining about the brand of free beer in another man’s fridge is strictly forbidden.

Under no circumstances shall two men share an umbrella, or a sleeping bag. 

No Man, while in the presence of another man, shall EVER use the words “Lifetime” ”Movie” ”Network” in a sentence together. The only exception would be to use these words in admonishing another man for the use of these words in a sentence together. 

No man shall ever turn down free beer… for any reason. Never. Ever. Seriously, Never.

Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

Hiding your beer in the fridge is strictly forbidden. Besides…sharing is caring.

A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It’s his own damn problem and you never looked “there” to begin with.

A man is permitted to build his “Man Cave” in anyway he wishes. However NO “Man Cave” shall ever include: A fridge incapable of holding a case of beer, “Fat Free” potato chips, and any variation of the color pink.

A man purse is still a purse.

The following skills must be mastered by all men prior to death: making a bonfire, playing some form of poker, replacing a flat tire, throwing a spiral, and the ability to pick up laundry with one’s feet.

If a man leaves his chair for a refill, his chair is not to be touched or claimed by anyone. If he does not return by the end of the commercial break, assume he has gone missing or been killed. You can call the police when the game is over.

No man shall shave his chest hair. Exception: he is an Olympic swimmer. In that case – he should shave his entire body, win the Gold medal, and make America proud.

When settling a dispute physically, all forms of contact are permissible (pushing, wrestling, tackling), EXCEPT any direct blows to the groin. This is the un-manliest of tactics and should be saved only for defending oneself from more than two opponents or more than one wild animal.

A man must read sports news at least once per day, if not multiple times per day, to develop thorough knowledge in order to win any sports related arguments that may arise at any given time.

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Goat Poem Considers Email

Goat Poem About Email

E Mail from …

GMail is …

FREE Mail but any

mail to a …

Female will cost you on a small

Scale … OR a big scale like a


Tail … Will you pay

Wholesale or pay

Retail … depends on if you told a tall

Tale … will she kill you? Will she go to

Jail? … will she make

bail? Will she head for the Sante Fe

Trail … Cops will hunt her without

Fail … will she steal a car or ride a

Rail … will she send the “other guy” a

vMail or for him it might be a


All in all … it’s a cautionary

Tale – it reminds one to be thoughtful, careful, prudent, patient, and imaginative when writing


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Old Goat Visits First Grade

The former kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use `big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.

She then asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words.”

She then asked Joey what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo,” he said.

“No, you took a ride on a Train. Use big people words.”

She then asked Eddie what he had done.

“I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s wonderful,” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Eddie thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said,

“Winnie The Crap.”

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Old Goat Jokes

The Old Italian Golfer

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor is 
amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘how do you stay in such great physical condition?’ 

I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in 
such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’ 

’Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?’ 

’Who said my Father’s dead?’ 

The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Father’s still alive. How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.’ In fact he golfed with
 me this morning. Then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino. That’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’ 

’Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Father’s Father? How old was he when he died?’

’Who said my Nono’s dead?’

Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old and your
grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?’

‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’

‘No, Nono couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.

‘Getting married! Why 
would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?’

‘Who said he wanted to?’


We Miss Grandpa

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.

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