Old Time Religion

Old Goats sometimes tend to remember things from the past better than they were. Homemade Ice Cream was mighty good, but polio was very bad. Hot Rods were exciting and their exhausts roared and rumbled in a way that even the most tricked out Honda Civic is not going to be able to channel. Again, BUT, making us wear seat belts in our vanilla looking Camry has saved many, many lives.

Also in the metaphysical world, even our most compelling TV pastor of today is not likely to inspire like the giants of the past. But one thing does not change too much even as the next version of the iPhone appears on the horizon. Political hacks of all description and national origin always want to take words of faith and twist them to support a narrow and often hateful agenda. It might be to kill some people … individuals through the death penalty or large groups (and innocents who happen to be about) with a holy war. In the U. S. we don’t call it a holy war, we call it looking after our strategic interests.

And is not always about killing people. It might just be using holy verses to explain how gays or people of a certain color or just some “non us” group are not really God’s favorites. I am not going to write too much about this as I doubt it is really “news” to most of you.

However I am going to publish a bit of OLD TIME RELIGION text that I think it would be a good idea for some of our more hate filled brothers and sisters to read:

1908 Methodist Social Creed

The Methodist Episcopal Church stands:

For equal rights and complete justice for all men in all stations of life.

For the principles of conciliation and arbitration in industrial dissensions.

For the protection of the worker from dangerous machinery, occupational diseases, injuries and mortality.

For the abolition of child labor.

For the regulation of the conditions of labor for women as shall safeguard the physical and moral health of the community.

For the suppression of the “sweating system.”

For the gradual and reasonable reduction of the hours of labor to the lowest practical point, with work for all; and the degree of leisure for all which is the condition of the highest human life.

For a release from employment one day in seven.

For a living wage in every industry.

For the highest wage that each industry can afford, and for the most equitable division of the products of industry that can ultimately be devised.

For the recognition of the Golden Rule and the mind of Christ as the supreme law of society and the sure remedy for all social ills.

Where Are The Proofreaders?

I have done a fair amount of proof reading. I like doing it in small doses, but when people are in a hurry and deadlines

are approaching, mistakes are made. I had no part in the poor proofing or lack thereof exhibited below:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Indeed!

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

“Expert is a guy from out of town in a suit.“


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 Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
       

Goat thinks this is excessive.
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 Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
       

film at 11  
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
 

Labor Unions have way too much power.
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 Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 

See “Jaywalker thread.”
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War Dims Hope for Peace 
 

Have seen it happen so many times.

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 If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
  

It fer sure could.
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 Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
    

Yes, I can see how that could be.
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 Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide  

Savy British Bobbies are not easily fooled.
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 Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
  ———————————————————-

 Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge   

He probably IS the battery charge!
———————————————- 

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 

I suggest looking at Walmart.
———————————————–  

 Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 

No comment.
 —————- ——————————— 

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
       

From the Borneo Sunday Supplement
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Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half 

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors  

They have rights too.
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Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  
    

Well …
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More Exciting Newness at Goat Center

Our last post introduced the “Goat Advice Column.” This feature was met with a roar of apathy.

Undaunted, we continue.

So, WHAT is New for today?

Lots!

1. As header illustration shows, first new item is some Goat “Flesh” – sort of – kinda G rated, but we’re old school.

2. Goat Trivia – Google has sort of taken the starch out of trivia. April, 2011 someone can be in Africa on the greasy Limpoopoo River and use their smart phone to find out your shoe size and what John Travolta had for lunch. But, old school, I still like trivia. A few months back I used to post pictures on Facebook and see who could identify them. Sometimes folks provided correct answers so fast it made my goat beard flow behind me in the breeze.

Will that be the way it works today? I don’t know. We’ll see. Question is straight forward. Who is the gal pictured above? First and last name must be spelled correct.

3. More “New:” real prize to the winner of the Trivia Contest. First correct answer entered as a comment on the blog wins. Answers on FACEBOOK will not be considered. Winner may receive an authentic Goat Center Coffee Mug if they live within a reasonable radius of the Goat Compound (or Sylvia’s House) as many of you do. Distance readers will receive 5 dollars American, denaro, somolians, etc.

More rules – Goddess Sylvia and Nan(ny) Goat are not eligible and it is a good thing for you as they are “purty gould at figgerin stuff out.” If winner gets the 5 dollars; it will be sent via Paypal. It is the 21st century so we assume you have a Paypal Account. As you can imagine, goat handwriting leaves a lot to be desire so we will constructing no checks nor licking any overpriced stamps.

Again ANSWERS ON FACEBOOK WILL NOT COUNT!

Deadline for entry is 11:59 Sunday April 10, 2011. But I expect a correct answer well before then.

If you are stuck, our most recent previous post contains a clue.

A final word to wise, those learned folks who are subscribers to the blog will be made aware of this contest about 1 second after I hit “publish.” They will have the first and best shot at the lavish prizes. We will very likely be doing this again so become a subscriber. We want you as part of the Ole Goat Center For World Harmony Community.

A NEW Ground Breaking Feature at Goat Center For World Harmony

Goddess Sylvia, Nan(ny) Goat, and the Old Goat are so pleased at the way you have welcomed us into your busy lives. To thank you for your attention we are bringing online a new goatcenter feature that we are sure will enrich your GC experience.

The feature is the Goatcenter Advice Line. This is our maiden cruise with Advice Line, but it will be ongoing. The way of blogs is that the newest post pushes the last one down the page. But in weeks to come, you can still find this post and ask for advice via a comment. One caution. Questions and answers will be visible to all so if seeking advice about something “freaky” this might not be the venue.

You may or may not have noticed that Goatcenter is short for OGCFWH, Old Goat Center For World Harmony. That is what we stand for. We make no apologies.

In addition to the three crack journalist afore mentioned, we are backed up by an army of researchers and five sniveling gophers who bring us coffee and drugs … BUT NO ALCOHOL … No alcohol during business hours at goatcenter … strict rule … no exceptions.

As stated, this is the virgin cruise for this feature so I’ll show you how it might function. You will be able through the “comment” feature to address your advice request to any one of the three principals: Goddess, Nan(ny) or OLD (aka OLE) Goat.

If you want a punchy, terse, hip, no BS or nonsense answer, you might want to seek advice from the popular and gorgeous “Goddess Sylvia.” Here is how that might transpire:

LARRY – Goddess Sylvia, you are so punchy, terse, hip and swell looking… I was kinda wondering … how much do you weigh and do think this amount is proportional to your height?

GODDESS SYLVIA – Hey Larry, KISS MY ASS you slimy little Jurassic piece of pond scum … WTF … You should not be up this late … and your mom told me you molest collies … furthermore …

Moving right along. If your seek a milder, I might say, more empathetic response, your might want to ask advice from the wise and compassionate Nan(ny) Goat. Lets take a peek at how that might go down:

Buffy – Aunt Nanny, hope I can call you that as I so totally feel we are connected in a cosmic fashion – How can “I” alone do anything to contribute to world harmony by myself. I mean me, myself, and I without benefit of “sister wives” or other good things I see on cable news. I am just like totally bummed by this. Can you help moi?

NAN(NY) GOAT – There, there sister Buffy. I am sure that almost all of us have been where you are at … done what you’re doing … seen who you are seeing  … felt … can I say, “ill at ease.” But sister, don’t forget that just by confronting your thoughts; you are so ahead of the vast herd who live unexamined lives. And if I may, let me point you to a little snippet of mine that was just published in LIBYA TODAY:

“I do in fact so hope that I don’t sound too idealistic, but peace has always been so important to me. The Goats (kids) of today are our world leaders of tomorrow. Helping them achieve cultural awareness and tolerance is THE stepping stone toward world harmony.”

And one last thing you could do … if you could do it RIGHT NOW … that would be great. Get a 25 dollar money order and send to N. Goat – General Delivery – Madison, Wisconsin – 14232

And there is yet another choice. The Old Goat is the titular head of the OGCFWH. It is the culmination of a dream he had back in 1955 when he was the Captain of the Safety Patrol at S. B. Ladd Elementary in Kansas City, Mo. He was good in the position, yet that was his last flirtation with management … until now.

Yes, now, even as CEO of OGCFWH, you can contact him personally for advice. You will not be filtered by some receptionist or call screener. Your questions will go right straight through to the Old Goat hissef (not a typo – the way some of the gophers at the center write and talk).

Only one caution – the Goddess and Nanny tend to be awake a little more during the day than the Old Goat. That is not to say he sleeps a great deal. I am confident he sleeps much less than your cat or dog. BUT, an URGENT question might better be addressed to one of the learned ladies.

Well, dear friends, I hope you can all see that this was just a bit of fun. Goddess Sylvia is in NO WAY that harsh and unkind. Nan(ny) goat is a woman of fine character and NOT  a silly new age con woman. And the Old Goat is likely wide awake Many more hours than your pets.

ALSO, you CAN feel free to use the “comment” function to seek advice, but no results can be promised. You might receive from 0 to 3 answers. Zero replies would indicate it might be a serious question and we would all feel unqualified to answer. One to three answers might be based on who is manning the office at the goat center.

But question or comment, be sure that we all value hearing from you.