Goat Center Considers the MAN CAVE Concept

My nephew has just bought a retirement home in Amelia Island. Going against trend, his retirement home will be bigger than his “work” home. So he now feels he has room for a Man Cave. He will not be moving for a while so is considering all that this might suggest. We at the GC are helping a bit by doing some net research on matters associated with a man cave. We found some material. GC does not endorse this info but presents it for educational purposes alone.

Some Suggested Man Cave Laws

There are only 2 tools a man needs – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If something’s supposed to be moving and isn’t use the WD-40. If something isn’t supposed to be moving and is use the Duct Tape.

Complaining about the brand of free beer in another man’s fridge is strictly forbidden.

Under no circumstances shall two men share an umbrella, or a sleeping bag. 

No Man, while in the presence of another man, shall EVER use the words “Lifetime” ”Movie” ”Network” in a sentence together. The only exception would be to use these words in admonishing another man for the use of these words in a sentence together. 

No man shall ever turn down free beer… for any reason. Never. Ever. Seriously, Never.

Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

Hiding your beer in the fridge is strictly forbidden. Besides…sharing is caring.

A man should never tell another man that his zipper is down. It’s his own damn problem and you never looked “there” to begin with.

A man is permitted to build his “Man Cave” in anyway he wishes. However NO “Man Cave” shall ever include: A fridge incapable of holding a case of beer, “Fat Free” potato chips, and any variation of the color pink.

A man purse is still a purse.

The following skills must be mastered by all men prior to death: making a bonfire, playing some form of poker, replacing a flat tire, throwing a spiral, and the ability to pick up laundry with one’s feet.

If a man leaves his chair for a refill, his chair is not to be touched or claimed by anyone. If he does not return by the end of the commercial break, assume he has gone missing or been killed. You can call the police when the game is over.

No man shall shave his chest hair. Exception: he is an Olympic swimmer. In that case – he should shave his entire body, win the Gold medal, and make America proud.

When settling a dispute physically, all forms of contact are permissible (pushing, wrestling, tackling), EXCEPT any direct blows to the groin. This is the un-manliest of tactics and should be saved only for defending oneself from more than two opponents or more than one wild animal.

A man must read sports news at least once per day, if not multiple times per day, to develop thorough knowledge in order to win any sports related arguments that may arise at any given time.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Goat Center Considers the MAN CAVE Concept

  1. Nancy

    What about a “Woman Cave”?

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