The Old Italian Golfer
An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘how do you stay in such great physical condition?’ I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’ ’Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?’ ’Who said my Father’s dead?’ The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Father’s still alive. How old is he?’
‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.’ In fact he golfed with me this morning. Then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino. That’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’ ’Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Father’s Father? How old was he when he died?’
‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’
‘No, Nono couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
‘Getting married! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?’
‘Who said he wanted to?’
We Miss Grandpa
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.